||[Jun. 1st, 2009|11:37 am]
portland is great. there's this bus, the 72, that goes past a high school, through the boonies full of strip clubs and adult movie houses, past the trailer parks. the melodramatic stories shouted into cellphones on that line are what movies are made of. the legless, the shirtless, the hopeless all mount that bus only to get off a few stops later, for the sake of convenience and perhaps the brief exposure to the air conditioning. it's been hot, 90 degree weather, the kind where the sun and the pavement get into some kind of cosmic argument and everyone just gets caught in the middle of it. i'm realizing how insubstantial the ventilation in my vans are. and how i only own one pair of shorts. |
i've been having intense dreams here, too. the night before last, i watched people in a canvas tent get mauled by a tiger, and the night before that, i freed a bird from a spiderweb. one night i dreamt that i put a goulash on my foot. i took it as a sign that i should most definitely move here.
i do really miss it at home, though. i miss my family, my house, sosha, my neighborhood. i've never ever been homesick before, and it's totally amazing because it means that everything at home is good right now, which also means that now is the best time to leave. i know i have good people at home, and good people to come home to if i fuck up or if things fall apart like they did in boston. and i know that i bring the energy in my house wherever i go, so that's reassuring. i haven't seen my dad happy in a long time, and while i know that my mom is having a hard time, i've been doing everything i can to let her know that i love her and i know that on some innate level, that makes her happier than she's been in a long time, too.
last night i had a dream about lindsay lohan because i was talking about her all day yesterday. i'm going to write her a letter and let her know that another human being on this earth cares about her and her well-being. maybe i'll start a blog, sending more letters to more spiritually hapless celebrities letting them know that i care. it will either be called Hey Dude: Grace Cares, or Celebrity Outpost, or Cheer Up Motherfucker, It's Just Life!
speaking of "it's just life!", i've been feeling so anxious lately. it's because of camp. it's starting in less than two weeks, and i feel slightly unprepared. i just need to make a list of things i need to get together for myself and do one thing at a time. right now the list writing itself is pretty daunting. i can do it, though! i will make it my mission to sit down and do that today. after i get up, take a shower, and go to jason's and watch a movie. i love jason! i was helping him weed his garden a few days ago, and he tentatively offered me a room in his gigantic, beautiful house. i have two amazing offers already! i'm so lucky.